Personal Philosophy


flickr images

Dear Reader,

I am a Honors American Literature student from Colorado. I like to think that I see beauty in the little things. I have a fascination with how things look, whether it be in clothing, art or the snowcapped Rocky Mountains the morning after a blizzard. My eyes absorb all things odd, beautiful, or just a little off. I have tried to combine this characteristic with my love for theater by channeling it into costuming school plays. Needless to say, the inability to make everything perfect is like a small child whining in the back of my mind all day, it drives me crazy. But I learn to deal with it, because I know that some things have to be sacrificed in order to accomplish goals, reach my dreams.

On the topic of goals, I have much too many of them to keep that small child from wailing away in the back of my head while I go about my life. I have dreamed, thrived, yearned for these goals to somehow change into reality. These are the dreams, the fully awake and painfully real ones, that keep me from sleeping nights. These are the dreams which, despite their gut wrenching impractically, are the motives behind each step I take, word I speak, or smile I give. There was time recently, and I am glad to say that I have since improved my goal-related sanity, when my desire to become a, for lack of a better term, 'child actor' shifted forms from a goal into a need. Every morning, even before I would let the light flood my eyes, my brain would start churning, thinking of ways to convince my parents to agree to support my crazy idea. I would waste away on crystal clear sunny summer days researching agents in the area, ignoring phone calls from friends that may jeopardize the progress that I would be making. I couldn't see a life in my future that would not involve acting, and I wanted it to happen soon. I wanted it to happen NOW. Maybe I was, as Thoreau would say, fishing when what I really needed was not fish.

Needless to say, I got over the obsession without doing anything too drastic. And today, when I look back at how I was, I think that my motivation was greater than just a love for acting, (or an infatuation with the Disney Channel) it was more of a need to be more in life than just another teenager. I wanted to be special, I wanted to be important, I wanted to be fabulous. I wanted to change someone's life just as a certain star had changed mine.

I think that this idea, that of one's personal need to matter, not only in their own life, but in that of others as well, is a theme within the lives of all people. For me, it was, and still strongly is, to be an actress that kids can look up to. I think for others their need to have importance in their worlds is probably less cliche than mine, and probably more attainable. In taking hint from my personal philosophy quote from the World War II movie Pearl Harbor, I think that many soldiers are risking their lives in war, not always as actions of pride or dedication, rather because they want to make a difference in a world where it is so easy to slip away and become forgotten.

Everyone wants to be loved, everyone wants to be successful, and everyone wants to matter, but it is the way in which we go about attaining these human necessities that defines who we truly are. Just as you are what you eat, you can be just as influential as you dedicate yourself to be.

A Student in Awe